Understanding anxiety & how to overcome it
Nobody likes feeling anxious. There’s a clenching in our gut, a tightening of our chest. Often we can feel our heart beating hard and we start breathing faster. Our muscles become tight and uncomfortable. Some people get headaches, others get a sore jaw as they automatically brace for some kind of danger.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a response to possible danger. We respond to signals of danger with alarm. Sometimes our response makes sense because there is a real threat and we need to do something to protect ourselves or those around us. Other times it is inaccurate or out of proportion. So why do these last two happen?
A build-up of experiences that are anxiety provoking can make our alarm system more sensitive. Like the home alarm that goes off when the family cat comes through the cat door or the trees outside rustle in the wind, sometimes our inbuilt alarm interprets threat where there is none. There is some similarity to a real threat in the situation you are faced with and your body sets off the alarm before you have time to assess the risk by thinking it through.
The body’s response to anxiety feels very unpleasant as it’s designed to get our attention, just like the nausea inducing, ear splitting sound of a house alarm. The intensity of this physical anxiety depends on the wider context. Someone who is relaxed with few stressors will have a less strong response and this will ease more quickly. Someone who has been dealing with a number of stresses or who has had intense past experiences of stress that seem similar to the current one will, on the other hand, have both a stronger initial anxiety response and it will take longer for this to ease.
How to relieve it
1. We need to be able to move in some way , to relax the tension that results from anxiety. This is like turning off the home alarm.
2. We need another person’s calming presence. This calms our own body and mind more quickly.
3. We need to make an action plan and then do it. The calm person may need to help us with this as our mind might still be foggy from the surge of anxiety, making it hard to think clearly, and we may still feel scared and a bit stuck. Doing something is important to give us confidence we can cope and to reduce our anxiety response in the future.
Examples of action plans
When there is an obvious reason – For example, if a growling dog frightens a child, take the child to safety. If the threat is a bully, help you child (or yourself) to work through how to stand up to the bully, reduce contact with them if necessary, and to seek help. If you’re anxious about a presentation you need to make at work, prepare thoroughly.
When there is no obvious reason – When anxiety appears to come out of nowhere making a plan to address the threat is far more difficult. Often the plan is simply to calm yourself, or the other person, then to think about the possible context later. Is this about feeling overwhelmed by many changes, or are there other things going on in the background?
When the reaction seems out of proportion – Heightened anxiety at what appears like a minor problem is perhaps the least understood form of anxiety. Ask yourself “what is this experience a reminder of?” Is returning to school or work after a long break a reminder of other first day experiences that didn’t go so well, or is the sudden barking of a dog a reminder of another dog that attacked you? Does someone being angry at you make you feel scared of being ostracised like you were at school? Previous experiences can impact on how we react today, even when these are below the surface of awareness. In these situations the action plan can often be taking note of the differences between your present and past situations. This return to school/ work is different because of the support of friends, or the barking dog is on a lead, or now you have other people who like you if, in the worst case scenario, this person does reject you.
Anxiety isn’t pleasant but it can help us find ways to stay safe. Learning how to respond to anxiety using movement, seeking support, and acting on our own behalf will, over time, reduce the intensity and duration of our anxious responses, freeing us up to get on with our lives in a more relaxed and confident way.